Why anyone would specifically want to be solitary or lonely I do not understand. I'm always wanting to fall outside of myself and be able to connect with others in the way those I admire so easily seem to do. My disgust toward insincerity stands in my way. I can deliver niceities for approximately eighteen minutes before I collapse inward. I do not ever want to not mean what I say, with all feeling, but since this kind of living grows too intense even for me, I must learn to dissolve the desire to be "different" or "special" and learn to focus outward. I do not want to be lovely and frightened. I want to be lovely and strong. You encourage me to do so.