2009 In Fandoms: Part One.

So I know I haven't updated in a long time (hello, real life!), but I miss writing things down and there's all sorts of geeky shit that I haven't even gotten to force upon you. All of this stuff is already so last year, but here's a recap, for my own records if nothing else, about what I was into/no longer into/over or pulling out the vibrator to celebrate in 2009. Three things at a time.

1) MASS WOTA SUICIDE DAY aka THE DAY THAT ELDER CLUB was fired GRADUATED FROM HELLO!PROJECT. (March):

Don't worry about learning the names of these grown ass women. They've all been let go.

In other words: Now the average age of Hello Project has to be about 15. The first concert I see in Japan will probably end with me talking to Chris Hansen.

The loss of Elder Club was a big fangirl tearjerker for me. They had what current Morning Musume has very little of at the moment: personality. Not everyone was a carbon copy of everyone else. It was also nice to be able to show non-fans clips of Elder Club performances and not have the question, "wait, how old are these girls?" arise in some sort an awkward pause where I have to find the oldest girl in the group and say something like WELL MAIMI IS EIGHTEEN. Elder club was (mostly) older than me and now my Hello!Project fandom is running out of legit, non-creepy excuses.

The other downside of the graduation was Yossy's hair. Why the fuck did they give her that Madonna color and cut? I hate her hair up and I hate it blonde, but I guess it doesn't really matter, because by 2009 she was so thin I couldn't really find her onstage anyways.

2) New fandom obsession: Xena.
Can you believe that, as a card carrying, fantasy following, complete social retard lesbian, I never watched an entire episode of Xena before this year? Me neither. I remember seeing parts of episodes as a kid, but I don't think I was old enough to really figure out what was going on. What is going on, ladies and gentlemen, is some very well written camp goodness that makes me look up embarrassing search terms on Google such as "Xena Gabrielle bdsm uberfic". Hint: if you use this search term you will find some GREAT SHIT. I want to write more about this (and hurt/comfort fic!), but it deserves it's own entry so I'll only give it a brief mention here.

3) Oh, H!P also fired graduated this girl:

Excuse my uncontrollable sobbing.

Hello!Online: Erika Umeda Will Graduate from C-ute!
Entire Internet Community: Great! She was fucking ugly!

Seriously, this is exactly how it went down. I'd like to write something really insightful about how as a feminist and a wota I have such a problem with the inherent worth of women in Japanese entertainment being solely judged by their "kawaii" factor, but instead I'd just like to say: WHAT THE FUCK. LOOK AT HOW FUCKING HOT SHE IS. YOU ARE ALL HATERS AND PROBABLY PEDOPHILES.

PEDOPHILES:

Things I am Thankful For #1

Hero

This is the most recent video of Michelle Kwan figure skating to the beautiful piece Carmima Burana.

After her last failed Olympic attempt ABC aired a completely understated and lovely four minute long tribute to Kwan that I will link below, because I can't even articulate the words necessary to describe my admiration for this woman. For me she defines artistry, she defines athleticism, she translates her heart into the tiniest motions of her fingertips and the most powerful deep edges that ride tenderly along the ice.

Ogawa Makoto/Happy Girl

This girl has bizarrely been described as everything from slightly unattractive to hideous on message boards in my fandom. Always the outlier, I find her wildly appealling. She's a strong singer, a stellar dancer, incredibly funny, and is incurably cheerful. The fact she's the most rumored lesbian in MoMusu outside of (or with) Yoshizawa (who she refers to as BOSS in her blog by the way, what in the slashy heck?) has nothing to do with it, I swear.

Morning Musume 2003 Color Guide

Appropriate Number of Sexual Deviants (Purple): Four and all allegedly involving Yoshizawa.
Appropriate Number of Bad Girls Who Will be Asked to Leave the Group (Blue): Three (Miki Fujimoto wins two honors! You go, Fujimoto!).
That Girl I Hate Sure Has Been Around Awhile (Red): One
Pretty Background Noise: The Rest

In short, 2003 was my favorite group of Morning Musume.

Watashi no Mirai no Dannasama no MY HEART<3

Damn it all to hell that I can't find a HD version of this video on youtube to make decent screencaps with. The new Berryz Koubou double side PV releases came out Sunday and while I, like everyone else, am not a Ryusei Boy fan the B side (or alternative A side?) Watashi no Mirai no Dannasama is PURE SPUN GOLD serves to remind me why, as a whole, I like Berryz Koubou a hell of a bit more than Morning Musume these days. Berryz doesn't take itself seriously. It's unpretentious camp fun every single. The girls have more personality and energy and I still am interested in anything anyone of them is doing. Demonstration of idol prowess or demonstration of my absent life: you decide!

Sugaya Risako is the image that pops into my mind whenever anyone uses the term "lolita". She has clearly perfected the art. I'm not saying that I find a fourteen year old to be attractive (I will wait until she is seventeen), but I have no doubt that she could be a serial killer or a dominatrix and no one would be any the wiser.

Dear Lee, You are so funny and sexy and kawaii~nee! I would totally love to boss you around and make you admire my Alyson Hannigan S4 Willow hair and strong jaw. Thanks for being a fan! xoxo, Natsuyaki Miyabi

Maasa Sudou is considered (not by me) to be the 'fat' girl in Berryz, which apparently makes me a chub chaser. However, those who claim that she is the 'fat' girl are normally Tanaka Reina fans, and that girl desperately needs a sandwich or perhaps an IV drip of some fluids.

Yurina Kumai or Yurina OH MY depending on how much dignity you want to lose. I'll just say that she's literally six feet tall. Her nickname is the "Tower of Berryz". Oh Yurina. Doki Doki desu ka.

Per Request of Other Idol Wota: Real Time Concert Review

If you click the embedded player I will talk to you with my VOICE, but about things you probably don't care about! Also enjoy my breathing that gets CREEPILY HEAVIER as I continue to fangirl over Ai-chan's expressions during this set.